“Sex – basic need, the same as to eat or drink”.
In the practice the psychologist-sexologist often faces women who have problems with receiving pleasure in a bed. And at our forum, readers often are interested in the reasons of such phenomenon.
Our expert decided to write a frank column about what prevents women to enjoy all paints of intimate life.
In the practice I very often face problems of suppressed sexuality, the clamped body, refusal of myself, of pleasure as one of manifestations “I live!”
Pretty often refusal of partnership which sometimes frightens more, than nuclear war! I hear complaints that touches do not bring joy and pleasure, and penetration brings discomfort, at best, but sometimes even pain.
The woman can feel nothing, to be exact, the girl at all, and any more than the woman.
“What to try? It is simpler to give itself up as a bad job!” – as one of my clients told.
And it is not a private problem. Women do not derive pleasure, and the most sad – cease to aspire to it. For example, washing the client Marin of 26 years lives with the young man and several years has sex on a habit.
And there is Oksana who yet never faced the nude man, did not feel heat and love embraces. And she is 35 years old.
It is not frigidity. It is not a disease. I consider, it is refusal of itself, of the desires, of life.
Sex – basic need same as to eat or drink. Only without sex for some reason it is considered that it is possible to live. Quality of life at these moments it is held back.
It is several reasons at such phenomenon, frequent it is the whole complex:
- the bans and censures in the childhood;
- competition to mother;
- unsuccessful sexual experience, up to violence injuries;
- denial of the femininity – cannot be accepted.
You can be mother, the girlfriend, the wife, the daughter, but you the woman in the first and main manifestation.
If not so, now, in the depth of your soul, on feeling in your body – then here it is the answer to your question: “Why there is no pleasure?”.
And obligatory components of such problems:
- the underestimated self-assessment;
- tension in thoughts;
- tension in a body.
It is necessary to consider all these aspects in work with sexual sensitivity and pleasure.
Now the sex industry, undoubtedly, is developed powerfully. Here and there it is possible to visit erotic shops with various attributes and sex chat with Cam boys to get to know men better. And what’s next?
Ladies buy goods from the sex shop, try to use them. Only in an intense body, such experiments do not help. Therefore, you should not hope for a magic gadget which during an instant will liberate and will satisfy you.
Begin to develop sensitivity to yourself, to the body, to the movements of the partner.
Learn to derive pleasure from life. From fulling in a bed, from an elastic material, aroma of hot tea, sunlight, singing of birds, a rustle of leaves.
Take for practice “to allow”! To afford any thoughts, any feelings and any desires. Pronounce to yourself it. Concern yourself. Watch the world around. You go barefoot on a grass and the warm earth. Or do foot massage – you are surprised, but this practice will remove stress from pelvic area. Let begins with it and each your day comes to an end with it.
Do not punish yourself refusal of pleasure and pleasure of sex, of life.
The pleasure is not a sexual discharge.
The pleasure is to love yourself.