“Sex – basic need, the same as to eat or drink”.
In the practice the psychologist-sexologist often faces women who have problems with receiving pleasure in a bed. And at our forum, readers often are interested in the reasons of such phenomenon.
Our expert decided to write a frank column about what prevents women to enjoy all paints of intimate life.
In the practice I very often face problems of suppressed sexuality, the clamped body, refusal of myself, of pleasure as one of manifestations “I live!”
Pretty often refusal of partnership which sometimes frightens more, than nuclear war! I hear complaints that touches do not bring joy and pleasure, and penetration brings discomfort, at best, but sometimes even pain.
The woman can feel nothing, to be exact, the girl at all, and any more than the woman.
“What to try? It is simpler to give itself up as a bad job!” – as one of my clients told.
And it is not a private problem. Women do not derive pleasure, and the most sad – cease to aspire to it. For example, washing the client Marin of 26 years lives with the young man and several years has sex on a habit.
And there is Caroline who yet never faced a nude man, did not feel the heat and love embraces. And she is 35 years old.
It is not frigidity. It is not a disease. I consider, it is refusal of itself, of the desires, of life.
Sex – basic need same as to eat or drink. Only without sex for some reason it is considered that it is possible to live. Quality of life at these moments it is held back.
It is several reasons at such phenomenon, frequent it is the whole complex:
- the bans and censures in the childhood;
- competition to mother;
- unsuccessful sexual experience, up to violence injuries;
- denial of the femininity – cannot be accepted.
You can be mother, the girlfriend, the wife, the daughter, but you the woman in the first and main manifestation.
If not so, now, in the depth of your soul, on feeling in your body – then here it is the answer to your question: “Why there is no pleasure?”.
And obligatory components of such problems:
- the underestimated self-assessment;
- tension in thoughts;
- tension in a body.
It is necessary to consider all these aspects in work with sexual sensitivity and pleasure.
Now the sex industry, undoubtedly, is developed powerfully. Here and there it is possible to visit erotic shops with various attributes and sex chat with Cam boys to get to know men better. And what’s next?
Ladies buy goods from the sex shop, try to use them. Only in an intense body, such experiments do not help. Therefore, you should not hope for a magic gadget which during an instant will liberate and will satisfy you.
Begin to develop sensitivity to yourself, to the body, to the movements of the partner.
Learn to derive pleasure from life. From fulling in a bed, from an elastic material, aroma of hot tea, sunlight, singing of birds, a rustle of leaves.
Take for practice “to allow”! To afford any thoughts, any feelings and any desires. Pronounce to yourself it. Concern yourself. Watch the world around. You go barefoot on a grass and the warm earth. Or do foot massage – you are surprised, but this practice will remove stress from pelvic area. Let begins with it and each your day comes to an end with it.
Do not punish yourself refusal of pleasure and pleasure of sex, of life.
The pleasure is not a sexual discharge.
The pleasure is to love yourself.
Pleasure and man
The woman gives to the man pleasure from the center of sensual pleasure which is in the lower part of a stomach. Men, as a rule, are not able to take pleasure without woman. It needs the woman in order that it in the constant race behind achievements stopped and derived pleasure. And it is possible only with that which is filled with pleasure. In turn, the woman the more gives from the surplus, the more receives. The man wants to take care, give about such woman to her safety, to undertake the solution of its problems. As a result of such care the woman will derive even more pleasure and to receive in exchange even more. As a result the woman enjoys more and more, and the man near her becomes more successful day by day.
Five sources of pleasure
Each woman can acquire the way of accumulation of pleasure. But in general secret one: to learn to enjoy, the woman has to learn to plunge in herself, focusing feelings and being in “here and now”. And it is possible if to be focused on five feelings: smell, taste, hearing, tactile feelings and sight. Considering something beautiful, listening to pleasant music, feeling pleasure from the body when walking, savouring the food, the woman fills the ordinary life with pleasures. The woman able to derive pleasure surrounds herself with pleasant beautiful things, puts on only in clean and beautiful clothes, eats tasty food, communicates with pleasant people.
How to learn to get pleasure?
For a start it is important to understand one simple thing: men and women are filled differently. The man is filled and harmonized when he moves. For example, when the man is ill quicker to recover, he needs the movement, but not a bed rest. The woman, on the contrary, is filled not through aspiration somewhere, and through simple routine affairs. For the woman there are two options of accommodation of the day: to jump since morning and to run to do the things, seeing the purpose and not seeing obstacles, or being filled with pleasure in every moment.
In practice it looks approximately so. The woman wakes up, smiles, with pleasure stretches all over, derives pleasure from how the body rubs about a bed. She touches the man who sleeps nearby, and again derives pleasure from tactile feelings. Further she says a prayer or meditation. Later goes under a shower, but not automatically washes, and pays attention to how drops flow down on skin and enjoys this feeling. For bigger pleasure it is good to do to itself How to make toilet after holidays How to make toilet after holidays a contrast shower: at first to have a shower bath hot water, then – cold. After a shower she applies fragrant cream or oil to skin, ironing herself (including in intimate zones) and again derives pleasure. Then turns on the music and goes to make a breakfast for the husband and children, humming in a low tone and hopping. If to live in such mode the whole day, then energy is not spent, and collects in the female sacral center, the which is in a uterus.